1291 Third Ave (at 74th Street)
212-744-0585
Rating: Barely Safe
Cuisine: American/Diner
Entree Price: $7-$27
Hours: 11:30AM-2:30AM every day
Most addictive dish: eh, the burger I guess
Review
A leading site recently raved about this place and put it in their top 38 restaurants in NYC. People online have sworn that their hamburgers are the best in town. So, with all this hub bub, I was expecting a gem of a dive in the UES. However, after dining there, I stood, mouth agape, eyes wide...dumbfounded that people actually crave this food. Even more astounding was that someone listed it as a top restaurant. So, gosh, I feel I must quote Public Enemy and say: “don’t believe the hype!”
I sat down at the crowded bar and looked around to see about 20 different pictures of watermelons around the room. Yes, watermelons. I asked the bartender why so many of them? (WARNING: The following conversation may hurt your head.)
“So what’s the deal with all of the melons on the walls?”
“Well, the place is called JG Melon. So, there you go.”
Perplexed, I asked, “Oh, so is the owner’s last name Melon?”
“No.”
“Are there melons on the menu?”
“No.”
“Ok, so, why is it called JG Melon?”
“Because there are pictures of melons in here.”
(Pause)
“Let me make sure I have this correct. There are watermelons on the wall because it’s called JG Melon, and it’s called JG Melon because there are watermelons on the wall?”
“Yep.”
"Well, that's...clever..."
Ahem (sorry to put you through that), moving on…
Plenty of people really do love this place, and it seems to be packed most of the time with a broad cross section of society. Their famed burger is good…though it tastes like a burger you’d make at home. All of the food tastes that way actually. It’s good diner food, but I get the feeling that your average person could make the same stuff at home just as well.
So, I’m left with the same question: How did this place end up on a critic’s top NYC restaurant list?? How??